No one knows hurt until they lose a child or a grandchild.

This page is about my biggest loss of all.

My one & only precious grandson, Clay.

God let me keep him 19 years.

Then one night he just went to sleep.

And never woke up.

 

Please, bare with me & let me tell you this little boys story.

He was my one & only daughters son.

My only grandchild.

His Mom had to divorce his Dad when he was small.

His Dad drink so much that she couldn't stay any longer.

But, he still got to spend lots of time with his Dad.

Any time he wanted, as they lived in the same town.

 

His Dad totally abandonded him after 15 years.

Clay never could understand why.

He thought he had done something to make his Dad hate him.

But, that was not the problem.

I can remember when he was about 13 years old.

He begged to go & live with his Dad.

His Mom was willing for his sake, but his Dad didn't want him.

I had to almost get on my knees & beg this man to take his son.

We didn't really want him to do this, but wanted to make him happy.

He adored his Dad, so the man finally gave in.

But, for some reason Clay could not stay there.

We never really knew the reason except for the drinking.

So, he came back to his Mom.

He loved his Dad so much, but his Mom was always there for him.

She was a good mother & wanted to do what was best for him.

 

His Dad never paid child support unless he was forced to by the law.

He didn't buy him a car when he got his drivers license.

Me & his PaPaw bought him the only 2 cars he had.

When he needed braces, his Dad never spent a dime.

His Mom paid for them.

 

Clay got so depressed that he started losing interest in school.

So, he was taken to a Dr. & told he was ADD & ADHD.

Somehow he managed to make it through the 10th grade.

Then he decided to just quit & go for his GED & get a trade.

He was very smart on computers & other stuff.

 

But, each & every day he longed for just a phone call from his Dad.

That call never came.

He couldn't concentrate on his studies & couldn't get the GED.

So, he tried to find work & started painting houses.

He was very good at this.

 

He had headaches a lot, very bad headaches.

When taken to the Dr. or going to the emergency room for this.

He was just given pain pills or a shot & sent home.

My daughter was a hair stylist & they don't offer insurance.

Of course his Dad was ordered by the court to carry this.

Thats just another thing he never did.

 

Now, this was a very unusual boy.

He never talked back to us or got smart in any way.

Everyone always talked about what a good kid he was.

Even when he was little, I would take him to Wal-Mart.

He would never ask for a toy or nothing.

He was this same way throughout his life..

He would have gone hungry & never ask any of us for money.

Thats just how he was.

 

He met this cute little girl & started dating her.

Before I knew it I was a great grandma.

He was the proud Dad of a little boy that looked just like him.

This did boost him up a lot.He loved & adored his son.

Always told me he was gonna be a good Dad to his son.

But, the haunting thoughts still lingered about his own Dad.

 

On Feb.2nd he went to his job, but had to leave.

His Mom took him to the emergency room that evening.

He had one of these terrible headaches as he had so much.

And a sore throat was giving him lots of pain.

The Dr. said he had strep throat & gave him antibotics & pain shot.

 

He had just told a family member that in a couple of weeks.

He was gonna buy his girlfriend a ring & marry the mother of his son.

So, that night she fell asleep on the couch.

He went to sleep on a blanket on the floor watching TV.

She said he got up at 1:30 in the morning & thought he might feel like going to work.

She told him what time it was, so he took his medicine & laid back down.

About 9:30 the next morning he was found.

There was nothing that could be done.

He just never woke up.

 

I miss him so much & just can't understand why.

Here was a good kid that left this world thinking his Dad didn't love him.

He suffered so much with a broken heart over this.

I guess that is my reason for doing this page.

As a tribute to his memory.

 

But, also hoping this might be read buy a Dad that don't care.

How anyone could do that to their child, I will never understand.

My heart breaks for him & we miss him so very much.

But, I guess the hardest part for me is the anger I feel for his Dad.

 

Everyday, Clay yearned for the phone to ring.

And just hear his Dads voice.

But, this Dad let him go to his grave thinking he didn't care.

And for 4 years he never had anything to do with him.

He showed up at the funeral.

Never offered one dime toward his sons funeral.

He didn't even ask if he could help out.

I didn't even see  any flowers from him.

 

So, if anyone reads this & has this situation.

I hope this will open some eyes on the way to treat your child.

Clay came to me a lot & talked about his Dad.

This was just eating away at him like cancer.

But, he kept going for his son.

He would get up in the middle of the night with him.

Fix his bottle & change him & always spent his time with him.

 

He left a 15 month old son that he loved so very much.

He also loved all of us & showed this love over & over.

I had a special bond with him & he was my special angel.

He will always be in my heart & I will never get over this.

If he could have been happy, he could have finished school.

I just know he could have.

 

I don't believe he would have had all this depression.

And even had a problem with being able to learn his studies.

If only this man could have cared for his son.

But, he didn't care about him or love him.

So, if you are a Dad or a Mom, think about this.

If this man has a heart, I would hate to be in his shoes.

Its to late now for him.

 

Our children are the most important thing.

They need our love & understanding.

No way could I have loved you any more than I did.

Your Mom loved you & was there for you.

But, that couldn't fill the void of wanting your Dad.

 

So,  to my precious little Clay.

MaMaw will always love you & keep you in my heart.

I loved you more than anyone else on earth.

 

The only comfort I have is knowing now that you are with God.

Your heartaches & troubles are all over & you can rest now.

I just know you are in a better place than me.

Just know sweety that you are missed so very much.

You are missed by all your family and friends.

 

Your Dad  will have to live with what he did to you.

Considering he didn't have any time for you.

But, you were loved by all of us.

You know that I always did everything I could for you.

You rest now my baby & I will see you again.

I know that you wouldn't tell your dad how you felt.

 

MaMaw has told your story about what troubled & hurt you so badly.

I did this for you.

I am hoping that maybe this might stop

other boy's or girls from going through the pain you did.

You were the best & all of us & your friends knew this.

 

Love you & miss you so badly..

I will always keep you in my heart.

 

I pray that God will forgive me for the anger I feel toward this man.

For what he did to my grandson.

He just don't know what he missed out on.

If he had cared, he would have had the best son anyone could ever have.

 

 

         

         

 

Copyright © Candy 2006